Being Macho is Overrated

Dear Community,

In the last newsletter, I intended to publish some of the answers I received to "My Neighbor, The Spy", but there was a glitch in the editing software and I ended up publishing only the pictures that Stacey B. sent. 

So here are some of the answers I received from you:

Stacey B. said: "My favorite sitting spot is on my pool deck after a swim, looking into my yard. That’s where my butterfly garden is and the bluebird houses. I also love watching the bees and gold finches among my coneflowers in the coneflower garden. Another favorite spot is my front porch where right now I can see a bluebird house that has four eggs waiting to hatch. I love seeing mom and dad flying in and then spying on them with my bird cam" . Stacey also sent me the most delightful video of the bluebird in the bluebird house, but I do not have the technical ability of attaching that video to this group email. 

Emma D. said: "I don’t think I like my neighbors as much as you like yours… I find that when I start to become too aware of the nature around me, I feel quite annoyed and ready for the comforts of inside. That being said I do enjoy the grass beneath my feet, the bunnies (especially the mama bunny who nursed her babies right next to me… INCREDIBLE!), and my favorite: the hummingbird. I could watch hummingbirds all day, I think they are so fascinating. The way they are completely still in mid air yet flapping their wings so gracefully fast to stay that way. They feel like a reminder to breathe and be in the moment. Those are my favorite neighbors and I’ll keep it at that as I could write a book about my least favorite neighbors… lol!" 

Megan S. said: " I enjoy nature at multiple times of the day. I have a beautiful magnolia that is large and expansive extended its branches to embrace us. I also have a beautiful holly and a blue spruce along with two redbuds.  SO many beautiful trees!  

I like going out at first light in the morning and walking around the yard and at the end of the day I walk our court or sit in a chair outside to see nature in its routine.  LOVE IT!

Anne G. said: "I do like sitting quietly…even in my city garden… and listening."

Thank you for your beautiful answers, I enjoyed receiving them. I  love interacting with you, sending you my written thoughts and reading yours. 

Today's newsletter is a story my husband wrote, which I thought was insightful and thought provoking. I liked reading it and hope you will enjoy it as well. As usual, would absolutely adore to hear your thoughts on the theme of giving up machismo. Without further ado, here are the words of Francis Lee, M.D.: 

"Being macho is overrated. I only came to this realization after achieving a ripe old age of 64. Let me explain. I took up the game of golf at the age of 34. I had played tennis in high school, varsity as a matter of fact, since my freshman year, so I considered myself somewhat athletic. My hand and eye coordination is decent, but my size put an early end to my tennis career, as well as most other physical strength requiring sports. So, when I took up golf, I found it to be something I could improve upon, given that this activity, debated as a sport by many, requires a few additional skills besides pure physical strength. For example, I enjoyed the technical aspects of the game, such as the laws of ball flight, the fundamentals of a sound golf swing, and the precision required for striking a good shot. Plus, there's a huge psychological component to the game that requires some mastery. I read so many golf instruction books, went to various golf schools, had coaching and instruction.  I analyzed the swings of everyone on the driving range, including beginners and scratch players, kids and seniors, men and women, all variety of sizes and physiques, on the driving range.  I even happened to play a round with a young man who lost his left arm in a farming accident, and was incidentally a very good player, inspiring too.  As I carefully watched others and analyzed their swings,  they became my teachers, and I was becoming my own personal instructor.

Now, here's where things get interesting.  I’m going to tell you about how I sabotaged myself from improving, despite my vast knowledge of the golf swing.  First of all, let's just say that there's a conspiracy involving golf club manufacturers.  Obviously, their primary motivation is to sell more golf clubs. And it's obvious to me that if you make ill-suited golf clubs for the average golfer, he may stay at a level that frustrates him. He will then turn to finding that one piece of equipment, that magic wand, that when waved high in the backswing, will correct all manner of swing flaws. 

Broadly, there are golf clubs made for juniors, men, seniors (presumably men), and ladies. Ladies, don't take offense if your clubs aren't called women's. As I didn't name these types of golf setups, if the term ladies in comparison to men sounds patronizing, I suppose it's understandable given that the golf industry is catering mostly to a clientele of old rich white guys, and their matriarchal wives, likely to belong to expensive, exclusive, conservative, occasionally prejudiced, country clubs. This is a sad reality of the elitism that's golf at its worst in this country.

Getting back to the issue of equipment, most male golfers, including those of below average stature, slow swings speeds, older age (btw, seniors are over 50), limited flexibility, poor athletic ability, and those who might have once in their lifetime smashed a perfect, slot machine jackpot, dopamine-releasing shot, long and straight down the middle of the fairway, will all behave the same way. This makes it easy for the equipment manufacturers.  They know male golfers are a simple lot, and all they need to do is to appeal to their ego, and their manliness.  Make the equipment macho, and I will gravitate towards it since I don't want to be a wimp and play seniors or ladies clubs. I want to play with real clubs, like the big boys, like the pros! Throw in a free voucher for testosterone testing too with the clubs, and it'll be a complete package, conscription worthy.

Let me elaborate with an example.  A popular modern driver setup might be 8° of loft, a stiff shaft with high kick point.  This is terribly ill-suited, for anybody who is not 6 ft tall, muscular, athletic, and can generate a 110 mph swing speed. No average amateur is going to have any chance of getting the ball airborne, straight, and at all playable. But guess what? Peer pressure is too great, no one wants to look like a total wuss, and we make really idiotic and expensive equipment purchases. To be cool. To be admired for the neat stuff we have.  Even if we suck at the game, we can all take direction from Trump, and learn a new way to count, and preserve our fragile egos, I suppose.

In reality, for my entire time playing golf, I've had multiple sets of clubs, none completely ill-suited, but typically regular men's clubs, off the rack, standard shaft lengths and lies, regular flex, either steel or graphite. So I tinkered with my swing constantly working with what I was later to find out were clubs completely wrong for me.

At this point you might be wondering, why didn't I just go and get fitted for custom made clubs?  I'll tell you. This would be the most idiotic waste of money by someone who rarely broke 90 at his best, and who now struggles to break 100 regularly. Why would I want to get fitted to a swing that still needs improvement and is constantly being tinkered with, and is not reproducible, such that it's a little different every single time I grab a club? Is this not unlike a question posed by Aristotle about desert, the answer to which is: to the best musician goes the finest instrument?

Now that you've stuck with me this far, I'm ready to let you in on the biggest revelation of my golf career, some 30 years after I picked up this God forsaken test of torture. Almost 20 years ago, I bought my wife a set of Mizuno Sora golf clubs with a beautiful cart bag to match. After a few attempts, she decided golf was not for her and they sat in the garage for most of those 20 years. I took them out one day, after playing some bad golf, and looked at how well crafted they looked, how very pretty they were with the light blue shafts and polished club heads, and how soft they felt in the hands with those super spongy thin grips. I decided to test them out and all I can say is OMG! Every single shot was hit high and long and straight. I finally found my perfect set. I'm sucking up my machismo, and I'm prepared, with no shame or embarrassment, to say that I'm skipping seniors’ clubs and going straight from men's regular clubs to ladies’ clubs. Golfers I might meet on the course or range, ridicule me all you want, as you watch me hit a high and long draw, one after another. I'm so happy to have found a new lease on my enjoyment of golf, and I have my wife's ladies clubs to thank for it.  What's next for me in this game for a lifetime?  Who knows, maybe women's golf apparel?"

With love, (a tiny sprinkle of) rage, and reverence,Your disorganized, recovering people-pleaser, community-dreamer, hope-filled activist in the making, deep-sleeper, clean compliment giver and receiver, not-a-true-exhibitionist, 21-day resetter, recovering prostitute, courageous by practice, trusting by skill, always with my head in the clouds, but loving my feet on the ground, soul worker (!), inner voice listener, pleasure list maker, Aquarium sleepover organizer, beginner-level meditator, wabi-sabi contemplator, self-fascinated observer, giving-up-machismo supporter,

Corina