Sharing is Caring. Or is it?

Dear community,

I just returned from a brief trip to the Hudson Valley in New York State, Woodstock, to be more precise. I went to meet with a group of women led by Dr. Catherine Svehla https://mythicmojo.com and we went on a "Psyche’s Quest".  We had three days of discussing the story of Psyche and Eros- if you are not familiar with this Greek myth, I think it is a very good idea to look into it. Here’s the text from Project Gutenberg (as told by Apuleius, in George Carpenter's translation from 1923): https://www.gutenberg.org/files/70802/70802-h/70802-h.htm.

The archetypal background of this story is answering the call of the Self. It’s about realizing yourself through contact with the transpersonal.

And  in case you’re not familiar with these terms (as I had a vague idea only, but I couldn’t really explain this very well up to a few years ago):

-archetype: the original pattern, prototype, or quintessential example from which others are copied, modeled, or derived. It represents a universally understood symbol, behavior, or character—such as "The Wise Old Woman” or "The Mother”—that recurs across literature, art, and psychology. And if you’re into etymology, like I am: the term comes from the Greek archétypon ("first mold"), combining arché ("beginning/rule") and typos ("mold/type”).

-transpersonal refers to experiences, psychology, or states of consciousness that extend beyond the individual ego and personal identity. It focuses on spiritual, mystical, or altered states of consciousness that connect the self to wider aspects of life, humanity, or the cosmos. Definition: Literally meaning "beyond the personal" (trans- + personal), it covers areas transcending the individual personality. Examples: Mystical experiences, peak experiences, spiritual unfolding, and deep connection to nature or humanity. 

In other words, this story is about hearing the quiet call from within and growing into your true self by touching something beyond your everyday identity.

We had heated conversations, people got triggered by what they thought were Psyche’s stupid choices, and by her passivity and her “princess in distress waiting to be saved” attitude. It was delightful and a very different way of approaching the big questions I keep close to my heart every day: “Am I living a life that is aligned to my soul’s purpose?”, “is this my soul speaking, or am I getting distracted by my ego?”, “what is true?”, “how do I live a life that is not only serving me, but is also generative for the larger community and future generations?”.  I’ve been digging at these questions for many years now, and I have been part of many communities who are actively exploring these or similar questions.  It seems to me that the usual approach in the spiritual communities is to “take the bull by the horns”, dive head first into experiences that reportedly, have a high(er) chance of touching something transpersonal. For example, using plant medicine to experience awe: is not about proving God exists, but it’s about realizing your everyday consciousness might be the smallest room in the house, and plant medicine opening a door you didn’t even know was there.

(Also, as an aside, my working hypothesis here is that we all have a soul, and that the soul is speaking to us regularly, via dreams, visions, etc.)

The approach during the “Psyche’s Quest” consisted of 1. Listening to the story of Psyche as told by Dr. S. 2. Noticing what came up for each participant during each section of the story ( for example, triggers about Psyche’s passivity, about the sister’s jealousy, about Psyche’s failure to follow the rules or the warnings, about the capriciousness of the gods and what are gods, really, about what constitutes “women’s work”, patriarchy and the role of women inside a system that didn’t even see us as human, due to our feeling nature and our failure to be rational 100% of the time 3. Discussing all the above with a group of deeply observant, sensitive women who are living creative lives in service of (their personal) truth, that most of the time ends up serving the greater good in one way or another.

I am always one to share openly and generously (and I am not even being a braggadocio here!). I believe in collaboration amongst humans, and even though I haven’t been able to create my great collaborative enterprise yet (it is a long overdue dream of mine to have a business where I work with my closest friends to create something that is beautiful, sustainable and fertile), I keep dreaming of it. So during the time of the retreat, I shared. I shared my opinions, my triggers, my dreams from the night before, as I believe that they’re all little pieces of the creation we were weaving together. I didn’t take more time than most people, I was respectful and attuned (I think!). And, after a particularly vulnerable share about a dream, I realized that the person to my left, which I will name V. (for privacy reasons), did not open her mouth even once. She said nothing the whole time. Literally not one word. So, after my vulnerable share about my dream, I directly asked her if she was going to share her own dreams. To my surprise, she replied: “Absolutely not!”. Now, this person is a creative, a truly prolific artist, who has impacted the world in so many beautiful ways. I immediately had judgement for her. I called her selfish in my mind and I felt a constriction in my chest. I was outraged and I wanted tot give her a lecture about generosity and sharing.

And then a few things occurred to me. Like with anything else, there’s positives and negatives to sharing. Sharing can quickly turn into oversharing (overwhelming the receiver) and it can also deplete the person who shares. And it brought up more questions than answers (of course). Do we have an obligation to share our hard won wisdom with others? What is wisdom anyway? If our share is not well received, do we take it personally? What is the fine line between sharing and exhibitionism? Should we keep track of what we give and what we receive in exchange? Should we just assume that the energetic exchange will even itself out (the way I was taught-if you keep giving, good things will eventually come to you) or should we keep track of the exchanges, and how precise should we be about those exchanges? How close to the chest should we keep our winning cards? Is true, open, transparent  collaboration even possible or the shadow of greed and envy etc. will always prevail?

The turn

At the end, V. did share a couple of sentences, a few words. And I have to say, they are the words that impacted me the most from the whole time I was there. And if you have gotten this far in my newsletter, and you’re curious what the words were, I will tell you. All you have to do is hit reply, tell me your thoughts about what I just wrote, and I will tell you V.s contribution. Because sometimes, I don’t like feeling like I am talking to the void. I want to hear your thoughts, your emotions, your engagement. I am not a true exhibitionist. I love the conversation, the exchange, the way we affect each other by allowing a glimpse into our inner worlds.

 With love, (a tiny sprinkle of) rage, and reverence,

Your disorganized, recovering people-pleaser, community-dreamer, hope-filled activist in the making, deep-sleeper, clean compliment giver and receiver, not-a-true-exhibitionist,

Corina